Violence is Vulnerable

A beast lives within me.
She is called Violence.
She wears a leather tourniquet
For her heart made of stone.
Brutal and calloused,
She eats the sun
Like an orange,
And dances in the darkness
That her soul leaves behind.

I hear her coming
With a banshee scream,
Beneath the noise of the world
Her footsteps sound of roaring flames.
I feel her burning
In a crowded room,
She thrashes about
And tears at the surface.

Her smile is a cut
With shards of glass within,
A bleeding wound of destruction
She bites and gnarls at her cage.

But when we're alone and you cradle me,
Gently in your arms,
Caressing my hair
Then sketching with your fingertips across my brow,
She is at peace
Like a domestic kitten
Docile and complacent
She purrs softly a grateful hum
For the warmth of your tender salvation.

To My Lover, With Regardless Fidelity

The odds seem to be against us, my dear,
but despite them, I'm willing to indulge in this.
Lets just laugh at the vicissitudes
and humor the ideal of a manic romance.
We can converse about the weather
even though it doesn't matter;
because we don't exist here,
we're in our own world,
spoiled and ignorant, we have no cares.
Days from now we may say our goodbyes,
you may not return, we may even forget,
but lets not waste such a pleasant affair
on account of an unforseeable encumberance.
I'm going to revel in your regard,
delight in your sentiment,
and if you're so bold as to entertain my affection,
perhaps we can relish and enjoy this friendship
in hopes of someday becoming something more.

Liberate Me

Falling in love is all about the risk,
it's letting yourself go
and hoping someone will catch you.
I've learned there's no easy way down,
it's whole-hearted or not at all.
If you jump, you're liable to get hurt,
but if you don't, you'll always be wondering,
was that the one you'd been preparing for?
All I know is that I've never been more afraid
than I am today, toeing the edge, it's too far.
There are no safety nets or parachutes,
it's fall and die or leap and fly.
I only need to know if it's worth it.
I think you're worth it.
Close my eyes and feel the ground disappear,
the air rushing in but I can't breathe,
my heart's swimming in the pit of my stomach;
it's dreadfully exhilarating,
and I think I like it.

Creating Another Aversion

You came easily to me,
a gentle sigh
among exhausted screams;
how my lungs have ached;
I thought my voice
would leap from my throat
and my heart from my chest,
but I swallowed you down,
like medication;
I don't need any more pills,
going out of my mind,
and I'll take you with me
if I don't let go...
I must let go,
it's the best for you,
as though I know what's best;
I only know doubt,
anxiety is a serpeant
coiled around my soul,
breaking my spine,
suffocating my faith,
it only bites in the silence,
and your reluctance worries me,
so I start screaming again.

Flood

Exposed and vulnerable
I let the water beat down,
a pounding stampede in my brain,
little permeable pebbles
leaving red footprints on my brow.
I adjust the knob from hot to cold
and feel the burn turn to a sting.
They're both painful, my body aches;
I can't find a happy medium;
I can't find a happy anything.
My tears stream down my face,
lost in the rage, carried away.
Unable to catch my breath,
I'm overwhelmed by the force upon me,
it's holding me down
even though I'm still standing.
My heart is a fist in my chest,
thumping against my rib cage
with a relentless urgency
as though it's attempting to escape.
I leap backward
pressing myself against
the frigid surface of the shower wall,
shivering with an unexplainable fear
(fear I might live through this).
I let my head rest in my hands,
my legs crumble beneath me,
and the sobs echo against the tiles.
My voice is strangely real,
my agony finally breaking forth
and screaming to life.
The biting air creeps upon my moist skin
like a lewd intruder;
I am not safe here
in this crippled state,
a blubbering mess of a woman.
I wish I could kill her
but I feel her kicking inside
as I push myself off the floor
and thrust my head into the warmth
of another downpour.

Swimming Thoughts

Enticing
like a cool pool
on an afternoon in July,
I want to slip into you,
I want you to surround me
let me sink and hold me up;
let your touch stop the burn
and wash away my worries.
If I'm going to drown,
I only want to drown in your eyes,
lose my breath in your kiss,
choke on the laughter.
You're my sweet escape,
a soothing relief when the world's too loud.
I only wish you could stay here,
despite winter's coming,
but our vacation will soon be over.

A Warrior Repressed

I like the idea of being frightening,
enducing uncertainty,
a perilous seduction of the soul.
To fear is to love cautiously,
and while I wish I was fierce
I know I am only fragile.
I need a soothing presence
to stroke my anxieties
and remedy my aches.
On the surface I'm rigid
but the core of me is molten,
barely contained and never stable.
Still I strap on my armor,
intimidation is an easy mask
despite the exhausted marrow.
I'm pretending to have that spark,
that which I lack,
that which I found and admire in you.
You're my shield, my sword, my hope.

Provocative Danger

You don't know it yet,
but you are my personal savior,
my cure for the pain.
I'm making you the pennacle,
the axis mundi to my peace of mind.
It's a responsibility you will underestimate.
It will sneak up on you like a storm at sea.
There is nothing you can do,
I'm going down
and I'm taking you with me.
I will suffocate you
until you need me to breathe.
We will drown in my misery,
and neither one of us will grow old
because we're a love tragedy,
another Romeo and Juliet.
If you don't want to lose yourself with me,
steer away quickly,
before the heavy waves crash upon you
and the icy current drags you down.
I'm an incomprehensible danger,
a torrent soul
that will rage against you,
and fuel an intense urgency
to seek me with every last bit of life you can offer.
If you give yourself to me,
I will never leave you.

Bitter Sweet

Mine, is a temple
of stone, tarnished
with blood and tears,
its walls hiss, "more, more";
more punishment,
more destruction.
Tear me down with vengeance,
strip my lust-filled veins
pulsing with passion,
powered by blind hate,
and strike me down like a child.
Abused, I am ready
to make myself anything,
a sacrifice, a compromise,
a perfect ruin.
Do not worship me
for I am not a god
but a mere mortal
with a lying face.
Within, I am rotten
and you shall do me no more harm
than I have already done myself.

If you're willing, Love me,
otherwise, hate me relentlessly.

Apathy

I didn't bother going to class today,
instead I spent the day in bed
watching shadows on the ceiling
of the people outisde carrying on with their lvies.
The clock ticks, and I realize,
I have no concept of time;
today is yesterday becoming tomorrow,
every day is never ending,
it just goes on.
That's what I hate most about the world,
there's no pause button,
but if I sleep away today
it's like it never happened.
I look in the mirror and think
what a waste;
so full of promise,
but promising nothing.
I'm not dead but I'm decaying,
and it's only a shame I'm still beautiful.

My Morbid Fantasy

the dorm was empty,
I'd gotten back early,
as I walked down the hall
I smelled something rotting,
spoiled meat or milk or some other garbage
then I wondered and worried
if it was death I was smelling.
I'd spent the whole day alone,
how foolish I'd been
for not using my time wisely
for allowing this opportunity to come and go
without even an attempt,
it made me sick to imagine
my morbid fantasy
as someone else's reality.
Jealousy is all that keeps me from sanity.

Too Tired for Sunshine

my eye sockets lick the pavement
cleaning the way for another trampling
teardrops fall upon the bricks
I'm too tired for sunshine
my muscles ache beneath its beating
my soul carries the weight of another dead body
wrapped in black like a garbage bag
slinging side to side
no one sees its bleeding
the funeral procession parading before them
fingertips reaking of tobacco smoke
it reminds me of kisses on a night in june
I drowned in the starlight
drunk on the milky way
I'd never want to be sober again
because I'd have to hang over you
words thumping in my craziness
peeling away the slivers of my el corazon
too tired for laughter
my lips are sealed in your abundance
silent for your satisfaction
tickle your fancy
get pleasure in my pain
given the power one will commit crimes
and never have to pay for them
less he has a soul to burn for it