Read at your own expense. Some poetry is simply inspired by sad things, and mine can be quite dark. If it offends you, I'm sorry. I write soley on how I am made to feel. This is my outlet when I'm in pain, and I will not harness myself in order to try and extend anyone elses blind happiness.
I'm a proud 30 year old, small town, free-spirited, body-positive feminist who believes no dream is too big and the most important values in life are fairness, equality, and honesty. I was Indiana born and raised, although I did spend about four years living in North Dakota with my husband while he was in the Airforce. My husband and I have been married for 8 years now and have three puppy children; Benny (the Bassett), Ollie (the Yorkipoo), and Rex (the Mastiff). I attended Ball State University where I acquired my Associate Degree in General Studies after my Architecture and Psychology majors didn't pan out. I've been working second shift at the same medical manufacturing company for four years, and honestly, at this point in my life, I'm totally fine with it. I'm diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and hope that by embracing it and learning from it, I can help others who are going through the same things I have.
I am Calypso,
posted by Heather @ 6:38 PM
5 Comments:
The truth about everything:
I've loved you every day from day one. Yes, there have been times when I was hurt, sad, mad, and lonely, but love is not perfect or easy. And despite those times when we did not get along, you're still the only person I can never get off my mind. I spray your cologne on my clothes and my sheets just so I can feel that much closer to you. I can't ever look at you without feeling warm inside, especially when you smile. I want to touch you every minute just to remind myself that I'm not dreaming. No matter whether you say that you love me and feel the same I still believe that we were made for each other. I'll say it time and time again, you're the half that makes me whole. The opposite I love, admire, respect, and just can't help but be attracted to. There's not one day that I don't think about the first time we kissed. All of our firsts outweigh any of the last. With you, the future exists, and without you it just happens. I miss the hope in my life that was you. Yes, I can live without you, but no, I don't want to. You make the world a more beautiful place, without you, it's more like a moving picture, and I'm just waiting to be made real again. Nothing does that like falling asleep in your arms knowing you'll be there in the morning seeing only me. But if that's not what you want, if I'm not enough, I don't expect you to settle. It will hurt to see you elsewhere, with someone else, but no pain will ever stop this love I have for you. It is, and I am, stronger than that, and I will be here for you any time you need it.
The other side of the story:
I wish I could love you the way you love me, but I don't. And you and I both know that love can't be forced, it isn't a choice, it just is. You are a very special person to me, none the less, and I hope you will be a part of my life forever. You've given me so much, and I hope you don't think I've taken it for granted. I love someone else, but it's not because he's better...there is no comparison between the two of you. You are both incredible, unique, and I wouldn't trade either of you for the world. But...I have to do this. I have to ask you to watch out for yourself because I'm going to hurt you. I know this, but I have to do this for myself. I don't want to hurt you, not at all...but we can't live a lie. He may hurt me, but I love him the way you love me and it's not going to change. With him, the world is a better place. I love him, and I can't stop.
For me:
It hurts me to pass up a good thing, to break my best friend's heart, after he was there for me for so long, unconditionally. But I will always be thinking of you every time he and I kiss, every time we fall asleep together. It hurts me to think you are not ready to settle down with me, that you want to experience more, because in the end you're liable to fall in love with someone else. Then here I'll be without the love from my friend and still without you, but that is a fate I'm willing to risk. I'm giving up everything for you not to get your attention but because I know you're worth it, and I'm hoping you'll accept it and return it...but if not, I'll pick up the pieces of my life and continue on knowing I didn't waste any time not knowing and wondering that awful "what if".
my pieces:
so weve decided to give you time to think.and at the time it was a good idea.and even now to myself i believe it is what is besy for you.im sorry to be here in a room filled with people who i dont know and have them awkwardly looking over my shoulder to see what u had written.about me about the other piece to the triangle.i hate that they get to see me cry but not the peole i know and love.fuck it though thats life.well atleast for me.ive tried time and again to have u to myself.but ive frequently feel.fallen in love just to be handed back my heart and the friend card.which is fine i figure if i cant have you then i can be the one person u look to for advice and comfort,to laugh and smile.but also know this, if you and yours dont work out again i want you to know that you wont have to look back and say what if,because i wont be there for it.this is my final i love you to you as my second half it seems my heart was wrong and wasnt meant to be.but ill always be here to catch you fall when u make mistakes and ill be there when u do well so i can congradulate you.basically u told me you needed to clear your head and make a solid choice.but to me love isnt a choice that needs to be made.its a feeling you cant live without.but my hearts been through worse and my mind can handel it to.so choose josh,even though i believe you already have,u write beautifully for him and i hope he will see that and can appreciate it and learn to love you like i do.
sincerely yours
lucky
I really wish this hadn't come about this way...I was just writing to get thoughts off my mind...but obviously, they are my true thoughts, and I don't want to take them back. Perhaps it was best that you get it this way because I might have guilted myself out of it had I tried saying it to you in person, though that was basically why I wrote it, so that I'd know exactly what to say when the time came...I don't know what to say...honestly, a part of me hopes Josh turns me away so that I won't be able to have that which I've taken from you...but I guess only time will tell. I'm still not talking to anyone...maybe next Tuesday or the Tuesday after...my gut thinks it knows what's right and what I want, but I have to be sure still. Either way, I miss talking to you, but now...now I don't feel I deserve to. I wish I could be there for you...even though I'm the one who's hurt you, and you probably wouldn't want that kind of spiteful comfort...I'm sorry. I hope the people there will suprise you and come through for you now when you need it most.
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